She said that night, that she is incapable of loving

Friday, September 16, 2005

that day was a strangely beautiful day.

i had a slice of cake dished up to my face, yet it was almost as if my finger went numb and i could not put my finger in it.

it was a picture of quietness... any word spoken or the slightest twitch would have broken its very serenity.

it was a day i was so looking forward to, yet when the day was here i felt like holing up and hiding away from the world.

that day was a paradox in itself, if i could put it this way.

*

i lost count how many seconds ticked by when we sat down and through the ride. there were moments i felt time was slipping away a tad too fast and there was this handicap i felt in me, that i was rendered helpless about the situation. there were also snippets of time it felt like someone had hit the freeze button on the camcorder. where the slightest action stirring in your body could have been exposed and put out in the open for all and sundry to see and witness. i am not trying to exaggerate whats not. but those were moments i knew i was so so self conscious. that i was putting myself on the microscopic slide and examining myself through those lens (though technically it would not have been possible)... that i just so wanted to make sure everything would go 'right' that day.

*

it seems the magic was with the walk, the peach-tinted sunset sky, the slight breeze... and the 'talk'. i had alot to say. strangely the words... they slept under the tongue-bed when i so needed to tell this person what i had to say. but what was even incomprehensible i got my message across as necessarily as i needed to, without saying anything at all. i think this person understood. this is an moment i will not forget in a long time to come. i dont want to forget it at all.

*
there was synergy. haha. with the first steps i took when i got off, i teared. i so wanted to turn and take a second look. but i thought if i did, someone would see the tears and i didnt want anyone to. and suddenly it seemed like the bus wasnt budging from behind me. the more i could not have turned around.

so i took off and ran. all the way home

_______________________________________________

0 Comments: