She said that night, that she is incapable of loving

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

have you ever felt limited by yourself? it's one of those moments when you are suddenly enlightened and you see yourself as one teeny weeny minor being on this piece of vast land who is merely trying to fight for survival and bare minimum breathing space? the funny thing is, im not even feeling depressed about being made to face this limitation. am feeling very much at peace with myself actually. not contented but definitely not feeling flustered or provoked. you see, a couple of my close friends have been made to hit the rough patch recently. these are people very dear to my heart and it makes you feel really lousy when you are handicapped and unable to do more to pull them out of the pain they are going through. sometimes i wonder why folks with the best hearts are put through the most unimaginable tests: just how well do we expect a young person to be able to deal with the loss of a loved one, after going to great lengths to care for this family member and praying so earnestly every day that she would recover? then witnessing the conditions fluctuating wildly all in 2 weeks then this person was gone?

on a lighter note, it seems that guys are soooo for vitamin Cs. the last time i wasn't feeling quite right (you know just before the fever bug bites, you feel all oozy and ditzy) my boss chung made me eat some vit Cs. a couple of days back qida reminded me that i should remember those tiny supplements so that i could "stay healthy for school". yah i need that. have not been sleeping much at all.

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